I remember a saying or quote somewhere that said, go ahead and get married, love your partner, but never forget your tribe of women friends. They will understand things that men cannot, they will help you through life with careers, birth, marriage, divorce, menopause, loss, love and everything else feminine related. It is critical to not lose this bond.
I never forgot that advice.
I've been more than blessed to have a tribe of women around me from a very young age. Some who have come and gone, some who taught me harsh lessons of pain and divisiveness, and some who have shown me more compassion than I felt for myself. And then I've had those brilliant few who hold me up, when I am unable to do it myself.
I hit a wall a couple of weeks ago. And I hit it hard. Lots of tears, let-downs, pain and suffering. Hopes dashed over and over. The dark night of the soul kind of stuff. Covid and lockdown not helping at all.
I decided to honor my feelings, and just go with it. This was a first for me. I usually avoid all depths of despair and just get on with my life. I mean, I truly believe you get what you focus on, but this time, I decided to feel it. So I went there, staying in bed for as long as I wanted, shirking my duties of morning meditations and night time hugs with the boys. Levi got scared and tried to fix it all, and I saw a side of him that I've never encountered. His huge heart over came his teenage angst and he grew up in my eyes, becoming a vision of the compassionate man to come. I saw him striving to be my hero, and in many ways, he really was.
But what I noticed most of all, is my tribe of goddesses that rallied and came together to support and compassionately listen to me in my time of need. One of my dear friends when reaching out, asked if I wanted to talk, and when I responded, I can't talk, I just seem to cry. She then, without missing a beat, texted that she loves criers. I called right away. She spent hours on the phone with me. Not judging, not solving, just listening and loving and honoring my journey.
My newly acquired Northern Irish friend allowed me to rail and be angry and justified my pain by agreeing with me and understanding my pain in motherhood. Commenting on this generation of kids and their entitled attitudes. She was the perfect friend to honor my anger in it's full affect until it was spent, understood and eventually calmed.
Another friend, continued checking up on me, although she is in the midst of moving home from Ireland and has quite a lot going on herself. This friend can read me like a book and can tell in my voice if I am doing well or not. I never feel judged in her presence and know I'm safe to tell her the raw truths of my situations.
Others didn't even know what I had going on, but out of the blue, per that feminine intuition perhaps, just reached out to talk although we hadn't talked in over a year. There is such depth in a friend you have known since early adulthood. A connection that is felt beyond borders of faraway countries.
And even now, I got another email from a dear soul friend, reaching out to talk.
Wow, I am immeasurably lucky to have these beings in my life.
So I sit here, completely humbled, and deeply grateful. For I have the most amazing goddesses that surround me. I feel more blessed than I can even remark, for words are a mere pittance to describe the depths of my feelings.
So with gratitude from the depths of my heart and soul, I thank you all. You female warriors that won't allow another tribeswoman to fall, not while they are around.
With all of that said, I feel I've come through the depths of despair, and I feel stronger now, more sure of myself and my life. I will continue to walk this path that I love, and if I get stuck again, I promise to honor where I am, and allow all of my feelings to come up. And to call on those friends that are truly soul-mates on this journey we call life. I'll also know, this too shall pass. And that, in the end, I will be all the stronger for it!
the very humbled,
Kitty
Thank you dear friends for without you, I sometimes cannot navigate this world I've chosen for myself.
