The Scotland Squad: Lord Levi turns 15 & Kitty Crocker gets schooled

Last Thursday was my birthday as you probably know, and it was great. I woke up and headed off to school after getting my military uniform on and being wished a happy birthday by my mom. School was normal, nobody really knew it was my birthday so I didn't have to sit through the class singing happy birthday as I stand there awkwardly, you know the feeling... One thing that did happen that day was I found a Pepsi max on the floor unopened and kept it, sanitized it, and it was really good. Like a birthday gift from some mysterious force. After school was done I got to do my CCF army training where we exercised our knowledge of how to handle firearms safely and practice drills and stuff. I like CCF but it can be repetitive and boring. Reading maps for an hour isn't fun. Eventually I got home and as you can see below I had a great time opening my gifts and eating one of the best cakes I've ever had. I didn't ask for too many gifts because I am saving up so I can build my own desktop computer later. But of course my mother over delivers and gets me a fan, snacks and legal rights to be called a lord. Thanks again. It was really fun and a great day. Short and sweet!

-Lord Levi J. Glasser

Don't judge me! He loved the wrapping paper!

Kitty Crocker gets SCHOOLED!

It dumfounds me that I attract 5 star chefs like moths to a light. They must sniff out my complete incompetence, then come running to my rescue. I am ever grateful as it has produced the 'best cake' Levi has ever tasted. You might say it was a cake made for a Lord?!?!

So Effie, is one of the West End Girls, and she knows a thing or 100 about baking. She is attempting to train me in these matters, but she may be in over her head. She doesn't seem deterred though, so we embarked on the 4 hour journey. Yup, you read that right, 4 hours (though there was a lot of gabbing in between). We began the day ready to make a swiss-role cake, whipped cream for the inside and then the roulade on top. Or is the entire thing a roulade? Am I even spelling roulade correctly? WTH is a roulade? You can see the hopelessness she had to deal with!

We started with separating the eggs, which she had me do. I've never been so nervous to mess something up right quick. She buys ONLY the top notch ingredients (She does not shop at Lidl like me), and I was already daunted.

But to my utter surprise, I passed with flying colors! (can you believe the color of these eggs - no photoshop here)

We then had to 'beat the shit' out of the whites, her words, not mine, and they are not ones you would imagine she would deign to say. I beat them so long, one of the beaters broke! User error or faulty beater? You be the judge.

We then mixed up the cake batter, the recipe is 4 pages, small font, and she provided to me with a pen for note taking. ?!?!?!

Once in the oven, we went on to making the fudge for the frosting. Is this the roulade?

Effie has a PhD in the chemistry of baking (or something like that), so it got technical folks. To the point of sifting all the dry ingredients from three feet above the counter to catch air! What???

Next up, I began beating the shit out of the whipped cream that we will soon add with crushed oreo cookies. She let me do the crushing, but stopped me when she thought I was going too far. (it is good for getting aggression out!)

Another key point, do not EVER bang a spoon on the side of a bowl. NEVER. I learned that one quick!

done

Once the cake is baked, it is put on a tea towel that is sprinkled with cocoa. Right....who does that?

Now it is to be rolled, gently, before cooling and set aside to, how shall I say it, SET. Note these are not my hands.

I am terrified at this point. How is this ever going to come out?

Yet with the deftness of a surgeon, it does. (after an hour sitting near the cool window)

It's a beauty to behold, but I am not holding or touching it. I'm frankly worried about even carrying it home at this point.

Filling it all in.

At this point Effie shears off each side and unceremoniously throws the scraps on the table with a thwak to clear her baking spatula. To which I, not being one to waste anything, pick them up and eat them! OMG they are so good, that I begin licking the bowls!

Now to top it off.

Effie remarks that I should be doing this part, but we both laugh and laugh, and I let her finish her masterpiece!

And Wallllahhhh - - -

The grand Finale! It was almost too good to eat. Almost......

Anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?

I've got to say, that was the most fun baking I have ever had. I did take copious notes, while sampling the creation along the way. I am more impressed with Effie than I have ever been, and the bar was already pretty high. Levi was thrilled as it was a cookies and cream cake that he wanted, and was so much better than store bought. Not to mention what would have happened if Kitty Crocker was left to her own devices (you remember the cake I made for Jackson right - it wasn't pretty!)

And to make matters even better, Effie showed us what to do with left over 'frosting.' Well you toast some hazelnuts, cut a banana, add a little golden syrup to the fudge, sprinkle it all over vanilla bean ice cream and dig in!